Thursday, October 21, 2004

falling

i have a propensity for falling. i remember falling down the stone steps of my lolo's house when i was 4. in my young life, i have also fallen a couple of times from low waterfalls, a few more stairs, a roof, some boats (during my rowing days at uste) and even a discharge canal somewhere in the fort, the last as i was doing my thesis.
of course , i have fallen in other ways. there was that experience of graduating with honors in grade school and suddenly struggling like most of ym classmates in highschool and college. or joining a singing contest, only to forget the lyrics during the performance. and i have fallen in love, which can be the most wonderfulor the most frightening fall of all.
it is wonderful to feel yourselfbeing suspended, no matter if it is a one confusing carnival ride. when your whole being is focused solely on this wonderful being, all you want is savor that wonderful feeling of having your insides scrambled up. i should know,like i said, i have a propensity for falling.
it becomes frightening when you find yourself falling for so long and then, looking down and seeing there's nothing down there to catchyou or cushion your fall.the thud of your feet on cold concrete is a very painful reminder that falling also means hitting the bottom. and nothin hurts like solid ground.
but we have heard it all before: it does'nt matter matter how many times we fall; its how many times we get up and move on that matters.
true...there is beauty in falling, because in our rising we become stronger persons. the sculptor julie Lluch once said that she portrays women heroes in positions of suffering, because it is during their most helpless moments that the true revolution-the spiritual revolution, takes place.
i have fallen in different ways and everytime i fellbecause i dared to go up there and risked falling. if i hadn't been so determined in pursuing my thesis that far, i wouldn't have fallen into the discharge canal.if i hadn't challenges my singing ability,i wouldn't have embarrassed myself infront of the audience.and if i hadn't made myself vulnerable by loving,my heart would have remained intact.

but i did. and now i can look into the mirror and see a face made lovely by the courage of staring into the grand canyon of the unknown. to not risk is to not live at all. like an ugly duckling poised for flight,i can only become the swan i am meant to be if i stand on the precipice and let go and drop, uncertain and beautiful in midair.

yowch

margret at Thursday, October 21, 2004

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