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Sunday, March 23, 2003 ever tried killing urself? yup...the big "S"...(read: suicide}...coz i did. it started 4-5 years ago, when i got really depressed...it was the start of my college life also so you can imagine how hard it was for me to cope up with things. it was a different stage in my life. always fearing that i might fail this certain subject..twas also the time when i fell really inlove with this guy. so, to make it short, these so-called "problems" affected me a lot which led me to inflict wounds on myself...i cut my wrists...left and right. my friends got scared. funny..because i never got scared everytime i do it. they even threatened to stay away from me if dont stop hurting myself. it became my hobby..everytime i feel depressed..i would get my cutter and start cutting my wrist till i bleed. my classmates would call me "barcode girl" because i have lines on my wrists like a barcode. sometimes i would come in class looking really wasted from a whole night of crying. they told me, i need to open up to them...i should share my problems because they can help me cope up with it. i never listened. i hated myself for that. what really changed my mind was when i joined yfc (youth for christ)..just attending their prayer meetings...singing with them...made me realize all my mistakes. life is beautiful. i didnt realize that a lot of people actually cares for me and loves me. ive been a fool..i finally came to my senses and learned to open up to people. a friend told me once.."life sucks if you want it to suck"..its true.. the scars on my wrists a few years ago were proofs of my weakness..im physically and emotionally healed now and i finally closed that phase of my life. margret at Sunday, March 23, 2003
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